I don't know what to say. It appears that this general lethargy is growing still. I've even found myself depressed a couple times this past week but it wasn't so bad that I couldn't shake it off with a good conversation or some sort of nonsense drivel I keep myself entertained with from time to time. Is it the weather? The season? Is it because I so rarely see the sun anymore because it's always &*#)ing overcast? Is it the fact that I feel I'm going nowhere in my life right now? I dunno. (You're not supposed to answer any of those questions, they're introspective.
I should be writing. I want to write but I'm not coming up with anything. Well, nothing I can do anything with. I have my usual little ideas that don't go anywhere but right now, not even my Commonplace Book looks good. I could say that I have writer's block but I won't because Sheri would probably smack me. Not long ago we had an in-depth conversation about it and how the reason you can't write is simply because you're not supposed to be writing at that moment. Just like when you're not thirsty, you're not supposed to be drinking. It does make sense in a way and I'm still trying to accept it. Doing so would be better than me feeling worthless when I can't write. Like I didn't lose the ability to write, just the delusion I could. It gets me down, but thankfully that last part isn't my words. They're Fred Gallagher's and he was joking at the time. At least, I really hope he was joking.
Anyway, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, including keeping up with this journal, until something changes. I'll still be putting my mind to things I want to write, but I'm really going to try not to let it get to me. I suppose I could make a list of projects, just so I don't have to stay stuck here trying to count them in my head without using my fingers.
1. "Nemesis" -- Long story, perhaps a novella. 28 or so pages done but need to be rewritten because my style has changed in the past four or five years since I started. Plus, tho' it has great potential, looking at it now, it mostly sucks.
1. "Nepenthe" -- Short short story written for a Halloween contest in the newspaper. Has much potential but should be rewritten and filled out to accommodate the details I crammed into the rough draft which feels very rushed.
1. "Oklahoma Jim!" -- Why? Because these stories are damn fun to write. Damn fun. And It's been a while since I last worked on one. I still need to start/finish the first five episodes of "Raiders of Exitone" to complete the story. The ideas are there, I just need the kick in the arse to get them to paper.
1. -- Something new. When was the last time I came up with something new and original? Really. I can't call myself a writer unless I keep writing and I've been doing a pretty sucky job lately. "Lately" being the past few years. Gads, do you want to be stuck in that dumb job all your life?! You have friends and loved ones who believe in you, do you want to let them down?! Do you?? NO!!
But I'm still not coming up with anything. Crap. The submission box is still open for you to drop in ideas. Just something short; a phrase, a title, an image, whatever you want. Something that I can use as the seed for a story. Sometimes it helps when the initial kernel isn't mine. It'll be a good exercise for me. I'll try to come up with a short story and post the result in my journal. You'll get full credit for your contribution.
Also, does anyone know where I can get a good word processor program cheap? I need something for this expensive computer setup which only came with Wordpad. I'd prefer MS Word but I don't need 99% of the other office crap that comes with it that makes it over $100. Is there a bare bones version of it somewhere. It's what I'm used to and I'm not good at learning new software. Mainly because I don't take the time to sort through the mostly useless "help" files.
---E V I L O U T ---