Evil Jim (evil_jim) wrote,
Evil Jim
evil_jim

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Self-inflicted boobies

I've just booby trapped my house. It's for my own good, I tell ya. I can't just let me loose out in the neighborhood you know. Can you imagine a me running wild doing gawd knows what to me knows who? I try not to eith... oh. You can? Well, you should see then why I've set traps. It could be dangerous, and you don't want one of me out there where anything can happen.

My parents used to do it too, since they of all people knew what they were dealing with. Granted, they used different methods but they worked the same. Strangely, it was to a lesser degree as me grew older and when they should have increased precautions. But then, perhaps the me merely got accustomed to avoiding their traps over the years. It has to continue, tho'! Me must be stopped at all costs!

So what I did was wash my shoes. You know the kind, you've seen them. Like Calvin's little red sneakers, except I also have a few more colours. I washed them with a load of jeans and towels and now they're all clean and squeaky and wet and all over the house covering a number of heat vents on the floor between here and my bathroom in hopes that they'll dry out before I go anywhere tomorrow.

I'm going to trip on them, I just know it. My house is lit only by a couple red bulbs and a blacklight and to cross that treacherous expanse of grim darkness could spell doom for us all. I can see it now: I take just one further step while reaching out for the light switch and my stocking clad foot lands awkwardly and painfully on the edge of the rubber sole. I yelp, attempt to adjust my weight to the other foot which is still in midair and down I go, eating carpet in an instant. Not a tasty bedtime snack, especially when I haven't vacuumed yet. What?... You laugh?? I have foretold the Future™ and you mock me??!! My very life could be at stake here! I could fall prey to one of these ingeniously set traps leaving this entry as my last message to mankind!

Pray for me, lest the shoe-ridden darkness envelop me whole.

- E V I L O U T -

Current Mood: getting a great idea while falling to your doom
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