Evil Jim (evil_jim) wrote,
Evil Jim

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Motivation escapes me

--- Valuable information in paragraph 8. The rest is the usual complaining & ranting. --

Geh. I need a walk. It's nice enough outside, albeit a tad humid. If I had company I would definitely invite them out for a cloudlight stroll around the neighborhood but alone as I am tonight it would just be tedious. Plus, I think I smell a skunk outside.

I've been pretty down the past couple days. Stress of joblessness has finally caught up with me & I'm ready now to take the next offer my temp agency throws my way. I was up much earlier than usual this morning thanks to them (after only a few hours of sleep at that, which I couldn't return to later no matter how hard I tried.) It seems there is a place that needs people to do stuff similar to what I did at my last job. It's even located near my former employer. Unfortunately the only hours available are for 1st shift & the pay is something like nine an hour. Also, I'll have to interview for the position despite it being a temp job because it's temp-to-hire. But I'll take it if I can because I'm desparate & it's the path of least resistance. I know I do things like that unconsciously & I'm not proud of it.

Something else I'm not proud of is my total lack of ambition. Remember that back room I keep talking about? The one I'm going to clean out, organize & turn into a guest bedroom? It's still full of junk. Why? I don't know. I've only had six weeks to take care of it. Make fun of me if you want, I deserve it. But christ, man! This is the perfect opportunity & I'm just pissing it away. I think part of what helps keep it slipping from my mind is that I have no organized plan on getting it done efficiently. No itemized list where I can tick off each task as it's completed. When I actually do try to make a dent I usually just dig through a few boxes, separate out things to give or throw away, put the rest of the stuff back in the boxes & stack the boxes back in the room. Or sometimes I remove a whole bunch of stuff & put it back neatly so I can make a little more room to get at other things. Not very productive.

What I need is a solid plan & motivation. A set order of tasks & someone to help. I work much better with a deadline I think, which is why I've hardly written anything of merit for a long time, fiction or otherwise. My long-time readers may remember when I was posting 1,000 words a day in my journal. Now I'm lucky if I do that twice a week. It might help if I didn't write these entries on the same machine that allows me access to infinite distraction. I don't know how many times I've postponed writing until after I've checked this or read up on that & forgotten about it by the time I fall asleep. Maybe I should leave my modem off until I'm ready to update. But then, how do you enforce the rules when you're the one that maekes them?

Because of all this it surprises me that I actually cleaned the master bathroom earlier this week. I don't just mean changing the towels, I mean scrubbing the ring out of the tub, scraping the soap scum from the molded plastic ridges on the corners. Getting down on my hands & knees & scrubbing the toilet. Mopping! It's nice now. Nice enough to welcome company in there which is something I usually prohibit. For some reason I can tolerate a greater degree of filth for myself than my guests. I even brought in a black light to give it the ultimate test. The only thing that fluoresced was a small area around the sink, probably soap or toothpaste, which was easy to wipe away. Now the place is all ready if I happen to have the occasion to share the shower with someone special, which I will openly admit is a delightful fantasy of mine.

As the bathroom would prove, I haven't been entirely lethargic in my early retirement unemployment. Since I got my velocipede back from its rather expensive tune-up I've been riding nearly every day. The first couple trials were rather a pain in the butt since I stopped riding regularly when I got my drivers license & when my knee wouldn't let me last very long, but now I can do eight or ten miles at a time. Last week I rode to the folks' house I back in three hours or so (including the visit) & the other day made a round-trip to my banks in 90 minutes. One thing I like about those rides is it makes laying down feel so very nice. I sleep better too. However, I'm not quite fit enough to make those rides every day. The afternoon after my last trek to town I only made a couple miles before my huffs outnumbered my puffs & I had to turn back. Strangely, I was more tired after that brief ride than the 10 miler the previous day. I took today off, but that was more due to impatient waiting for job-related calls.

I called COBRA today, or Ceridian Benefit Services, or whatever they want to be called now. It should be noted that I am currently without health insurance coverage until they cash my check & process my information. After that I'm paying over $300 a month for a $1,200 deductable & 50% coverage if I want to stay with my Dean doctors. I really, REALLY don't like continuing group coverage through COBRA. The introductory letter I received from them was all friendly with "Welcome to Ceridian" & "We're here to help you" on the front but the back of the sheet listed all of the things you can do to lose your coverage. If you don't pay enough on your monthly bill, you lose coverage without possibility of reinstatement. If it arrives late, you lose coverage without possibility of reinstatement. If their mail room clerk doesn't like your handwriting, you lose coverage without possibility of reinstatement. I'm seriously afraid to open the wrong end of the envelope now when I get their notifications. The reason I called them today is that when I filled out the check I wrote it to COBRASERV like the instructions on the front of the main page indicated. But on the reverse it said "Ceridian Benefit Services" or something similar. It turns out either one will do, but it was not fun until I found out.

One thing I encountered on Ceridian's dandy-handy 1-800 customer service line was an automated menu. It is a very rare day indeed when I actually find any use in those things & it's a frustrating waste of time trying to find my way through to an actual person just to ask a simple question like "Who do I make the check out to?" And when I finally do the first thing I hear is "What is your Social Security Number?" instead of "How can I help you?" But anyway, fortunately I have the Gethuman Database. -- Yes, this is the part where you bookmark or write down the link. You'll thank me for it. -- It is a list of many businesses & corporations with automated phone menus as griped about above and what to do to reach a human customer service rep. (Mash "0" repeatedly for Ceridian, by the way.) It has proven its worth a number of times already & the list is always growing. Check me it out. Seriously check me it out.

You know, I had a list of things that seemed important to say but I deleted it earlier when I decided not to write a journal entry tonite. Then I took a nap while talking to koriandrkitten, played my new game Space Squash for a while, showered & . . . That's it. The shower woke me up enough to actually want to do something productive. Hence, the entry. Worry not for anyone who actually read through all the way. After writing things out I feel much better. I could still make use of a hug or two, but I'll be happy to take rainchecks until the execution of such is more feasible. Right now It's pushing late-thirty & time for more video games to wind down.

- E V I L O U T -

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