I don't understand why it's so difficult for me to fall asleep without music. Unless I'm completely exhausted I need music playing in the background or else I'll wake up again, often with an unpleasant dream. This morning is a perfect example. I went to bed shortly after finishing my previous entry & played Castlevania: Symphony of the Night on my PSOne with mini-screen in bed for about ten minutes until my character died & I turned it off. I seemed to drift off easily enough but within an hour I was dreaming: I was going through my nightly routine of turning off lights & closing doors before retiring. I noticed that the front door was still open even tho' I distinctly remembered closing & locking it for real before going to bed the first time. So I closed the door & saw that it wouldn't latch. Being lazy, I merely leaned up against it rather than pushing it closed like a normal person. I feel slight resistance & suddenly sense something or someone outside. I dig into the carpet with my feet & jam my shoulder up against the door with all might to get it closed enough for me to shoot the deadbolt but some terrific force shoves both the door & me into the living room as it opens all the way. Knowing that I must still be dreaming I struggle to wake. I do, & I lie in bed panicked for a moment & get a brief glimpse of my darkened bedroom before I feel myself drifting back to sleep. Startled, I bite my lip to make sure I stay awake. . . & wake up for real.
Most of these dreams are like this. I'm not asleep long enough to get a real nightmare & my sense of panic or fear within the dream is enough to wake me right away, leaving me startled & insecure. This doesn't happen every time, but often enough for me to turn some music on if I know I'm not likely to pass out the minute I get horizontal. The only other cure for this is sleeping in a lover's arms. But as this happens about once every five years I keep my iPod & portable speakers atop my dresser.
E V I L O U T -
Current Mood can't sleep... clowns will eat me...
