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Evil Jim

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01:20 am: Do you want to talk? Is something wrong?
I don't know why I'm doing this. It's late, I haven't slept for close to a day and even that is on about four hours of sleep. I've been unusually cold tonite and that's in the warmest room in my house. There's nothing I really want to throw myself at and I'm getting together with a friend in the morning. So why am I here?

I suppose part of it is this journal has become habit. Not much of one but I'm very conscious of it. I know you read this and I hope you get something out of my words. Sometimes I write for you, sometimes for me. Tonite, I guess, is more for me.

Is something troubling me? Yes. Is it my problem? No. Should I step in? Well... that's yet to be determined. It involves a friend and all I can do for now is make myself available. Let them know they're not alone and that I'm here if they need me. I think I overdo that sometimes. I'm here, you know. You can talk if you want. You know where to find me if you need me. Does that get old and annoying, I wonder, to someone who's troubled or has problems? Am I invading their privacy by giving them every opportunity to talk, even if it seems they don't want to? Is there a line not to cross in a situation like this?

All rhetorical questions. This is not a quiz.

Maybe it's selfishness since I can't be happy unless my friends and loved ones are. Perhaps I only do this to unburden the weight from my own shoulders. Great! They feel better, now I can stop worrying. Or perhaps a self-imposed forced empathy since it's difficult for me to view relationships between people unless I'm directly involved or it's blatantly obvious. Or it could be that I overcompensate with trying to help because there have been so many times when no one was there when I needed it most. It makes me think about the people I would never see again if I didn't call them.

Well anyway, that's that and the past 20 minutes. Otherwise I spent most of the day watching anime and generally lounging around after I got home from work. I called five people to try to get together with someone but only one was available and even then, only for two and a half hours. We made good time tho'.

If I didn't get ahold of someone I would have stayed home since the stuff I wanted to do would have been boring to go it alone. I accomplished the tasks I set out to do being: pick up fresh manga at 20th Century Books, drop my motorcycle jacket off at Wilson's Leather at the mall and shop around with my $20 gift certificate. I found the volume of Excel Saga I so desperately wanted on the 24th but didn't since I didn't know the store was open because their phone number isn't listed, as well as the first book of Hellsing which I already read while hanging out at Border's last week. The jacket was easy enough to drop off but will take three weeks, probably spending most of that time in transit to wherever they repair stuff like that. Surprisingly the salesgirl suggested a different store in the mall that did in-house repairs.

With limited time to shop around I only had a couple things in mind for my gift certificate, one of them being finding cufflinks for my french cuff shirts, one of which I was wearing at the time. The mall has four jewelry stores at its center, one on each corner, a design I'm still curious about. The pair I like most is $75 and sterling silver. Frankly, I'd be happy with stainless steel. It doesn't matter to me what they're made of as long as they stay clean and shiny, and steel wouldn't tarnish. I made it to the other clothing store the Wilson's lady suggested and they can repair my other coat which has an unseamy pocket lining. They also had cufflinks I liked and I may be getting some there. They're cheaper too.

I'm sure you'll all love to hear about my shiny new cufflinks once I get them. No more rolling the ridiculously long sleeves for me, no-siree. Aw, who am I kidding? The first , and rather vague part of this post is probably more interesting than all this detailed stuff below, am I right? If not, I'm still tired, or at least bored. I think I'll end here and dink around a bit on the computer before striking the bag. If Sacredspud wasn't gonna call tomorrow I'd have no reason to get up so if he's reading this go ahead, motivate me.

Well, I could always drop by the folks' for dinner. An aunt and uncle I hardly see is visiting them for a little while tomorrow but no one will be heartbroken if I don't make it. I know that won't be nearly as interesting as whatever the Spud bud and I come up with. I forget where I was going. I'm getting distracted. I'd better quit before I fall any further behind.

- E V I L O U T -

Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: Personna by Blue Man Group

Comments

[User Picture]
From:matt_william
Date:December 28th, 2003 11:28 am (UTC)
(Link)
Hey man...I have a good idea as to how ya feel. You've been a very good friend to me and all of your friends. Keep your spirits up and remember that you are among friends and we'll be there for you when you need us.

Matthew
[User Picture]
From:evil_jim
Date:December 29th, 2003 12:25 am (UTC)
(Link)
Well, you know what they say: A good friend will help you move... a true friend will help you move... a body.
[User Picture]
From:sacredspud
Date:December 29th, 2003 07:46 pm (UTC)
(Link)
And those of us who are me very much appreciate the assistance.
[User Picture]
From:evil_jim
Date:December 29th, 2003 10:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
No problem... Do you think Matt's family will notice?
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