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Evil Jim

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01:40 am: Can't sleep, clowns will eat me
Seriously, I can't sleep. You'll notice by the time of this post that it isn't actually that late in my usual sleep schedule but as I have to be up at six tomorrow in the morning for work you may see why I'm beginning to feel a little distressed. I've been having problems sleeping for the past month but I usually just deal by staying up until I'm absolutely exhausted and then crash into slumberland, then oversleeping the next morning. Unfortunately, this time I don't have the luxury.

Last Friday night I slept fine despite having to wake early for breakfast at the American Legion and trip to Mitsuwa. I'm not sure whether it was the prospect of a fun weekend ahead or that I had significantly less stress that day but the memory annoys me. Maybe it was just easier to coast on four hours of sleep when I had something fun first thing the next day. But I honestly don't remember how much sleep I got.

I suppose depression is a part of why I can't sleep. It's easy enough to distract myself from it during the day what with work and friends and all my toys, but when left to my own devices I get trapped back into circular thinking. Then the pillow is too warm and I have to turn it. Then the blankets are too warm and I have to turn over. Then I lie there and try to drift, not thinking and only watching the strange patterns that flux and flow beneath my eyelids in that strange way that only the people who see them can relate to. Eventually I do begin to drift asleep and dreams start to form, gain coherence and get me thinking again and I'm wide awake. Damn.

So I gave up and plodded through the dark house to the computer to check my mail again, read the rest of your posts, and try not to think that the longer I stay awake, the more tired I will be tomorrow.

Tomorrow actually looks pretty good, despite having an invite for the evening turned down again. After work midday I'm getting together with Tom and his girl Kate for some make-it-up-as-we-go type stuff. It promises to be fun and relaxed and I'm looking forward to seeing them again as it happens so rarely as of late.

The only dark spot is that I need to find out what's wrong with Dagon and fast. Tonight I noticed a milky-white colouration along his right side that is worrying me. It does not appear to be ich (as some quick research has shown) but it's serious nonetheless. After work in the morning I'll have to call Thea to get her opinion, do some more research and, if necessary, make time with Tom for a trip to a pet store in case I need meds. I don't know if moors change colouration naturally due to changes in diet, climate or age, or, heck, even if they shed their skins from time to time (tho' not likely,) but I hope it's nothing serious. I guess that's also what's keeping me awake.

Anyway, it's already more than twenty minutes past the time this post is dated. I really should go back to bed and lie down. I can still rest that way even if I'm not sleeping. I'll try some warm milk and a couple more chapters in The Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul. By then it will be close to three and my night of sleep will be more like a nap. Perhaps it's better that I don't have a date tomorrow night. I'll try to cook Heroin Chicken instead.

- E V I L O U T -

Current Mood: guess

Comments

From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 12th, 2005 10:35 pm (UTC)

depression got you down

(Link)
Hey Jim, Sexy, hi. Why are you depressed? I'm sure the fish will be fine. Don't worry. :) Just because there's a little white stuff doesn't mean the worst, so don't get down about it. Want me to come over monday? I'm going to get no sleep tonight, langaming party. Ug! No sleep and WAY too much sugar. Oh well, try to relax a little, sweet dreams ~Lindsay
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